Toxic Masculinity

Toxic Masculinity

I recently had a realisation that I had always been hard on myself.  I did a lot of reflecting in lockdown and due to certain current life events combined with approaching middle age this was quite a turning point.

I appreciate being part of a group called Men Hear, details below.   In our group we recently discussed how society had an impact upon us, the collective feeling was that we feel we cant be open & honest and open about our feelings for fear of judgment.  This is a collective feeling in the group that society has an impact and that starts from an early age; it starts with being a boy and being directed into doing ‘boys’ things.  And of course the big one is that when we are upset that boys shouldn’t cry.  Being upset and being angry are natural emotions and we shouldn’t be shying away from them & yet our upbringing stifles this emotion.

As I aged I felt the pressure to be a bread winner in the family home & there was a substantial amount of decision making that came along with this too.  I also felt that I needed to make the right decisions for the family and there was a weight on my shoulders from this.  When I reflect on this my feeling is that this message came through loud and clear from school; that the man be the dominant controller & the woman be the passive receiver. 

The core of learning as a man in our society feels like the message is ‘disregard your feelings’.  I feel that the extremely high suicide rate is a direct link to this.  Men learn to bury feelings & to hide them in order to be manly and they struggle to open up emotionally.  The concept toxic masculinity means something to me and the Men Hear group is a great start in helping break down these barriers.

Men Hear group details 

https://bit.ly/3bdZrwM

Jim

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