Don't be hard on yourself............
I have been living with anger all my life, I think many people do without realising. However with some people, me included, it is deep rooted and hidden, and can affect lives in profound ways if we refuse to address it and understand its origins.
I have only recently discovered how being angry can impact how I feel, and how that can affect how things turn out, positively or negatively.
I never used to get angry, very rarely. In fact I used to quietly envy people that seemed to be able to vent their emotions and saw it as a part of being confident. I think I was confusing passion with anger to some extent. It is possible to have a passion without being angry. When we realise the benefits of our passions and interests then we often defend them strongly if need be. I think that is when a wider interest comes into play, and we are aware that what we do and enjoy has a positive effect on wellbeing, ours and the people around us.
When I was hospitalised in 2002 with psychosis. I was a lost human being. I had become ill because of stress and a build up of anxiety and depression that at its root was about feeling powerless and frustrated. I couldn't seem to find any direction in life for a long time leading up to being so unwell, and I had had a succession of temporary short term jobs that never seemed to lead anywhere other than to the next short term stopgap.
I had been to university and didn't have any clear view about what I wanted to do when I left. I was asked at interviews, the question of 'where do you see yourself in five years?', and I didn't have a clue how to answer that. I didn't know where I was going to be in six months never mind five years!.
I realise now that deep down I was not just looking for something meaningful, but was questioning the path I was on also. I used to look at job adverts for things that would appeal to me, that were probably beyond my abilities but I liked the idea of. I was reaching for things that I wasn't cut out for.
I soon realised that I was missing something. I had given up on the things that had been my interests when I was younger, such as nature and wildlife. Not only that, but also my music. I am a drummer and had stopped playing drums when I went to university.
I didn't have any real hobbies or interests, and found it difficult to talk to people generally not just the opposite sex. I was quite shy, and didn't have any girlfriends.
In fact I am still basically a shy person, but since my illness I have rebuilt my life around the fact that having things to do often leads to meeting new people. Its not just about 'keeping busy', because I know that when your struggling it can be the hardest thing just to get out of bed and face the day. Giving myself simple reminders and prompts to do something is helpful, I might not get round to it immediately but soon enough.
One piece of advise I would say is that, its easy to hang on to what we have out of fear of letting it go to start again if that thing isn't helping us. Its ok to stop, and have a think. is what I am doing helping at all or just causing me more frustration?. Seek advice and consider different options even if it sounds unusual or a bit weird.
Getting angry at yourself is not good, getting angry at others around you is possibly even worse if its unwarranted.
Go for a walk if possible, give yourself time to work through a problem. Things often take longer than expected to work out so try to be patient and take smaller steps, it sounds really obvious but its so true. Once one thing is overcome its easier next time round.
Don't be hard on yourself.
I never used to get angry, very rarely. In fact I used to quietly envy people that seemed to be able to vent their emotions and saw it as a part of being confident. I think I was confusing passion with anger to some extent. It is possible to have a passion without being angry. When we realise the benefits of our passions and interests then we often defend them strongly if need be. I think that is when a wider interest comes into play, and we are aware that what we do and enjoy has a positive effect on wellbeing, ours and the people around us.
When I was hospitalised in 2002 with psychosis. I was a lost human being. I had become ill because of stress and a build up of anxiety and depression that at its root was about feeling powerless and frustrated. I couldn't seem to find any direction in life for a long time leading up to being so unwell, and I had had a succession of temporary short term jobs that never seemed to lead anywhere other than to the next short term stopgap.
I had been to university and didn't have any clear view about what I wanted to do when I left. I was asked at interviews, the question of 'where do you see yourself in five years?', and I didn't have a clue how to answer that. I didn't know where I was going to be in six months never mind five years!.
I realise now that deep down I was not just looking for something meaningful, but was questioning the path I was on also. I used to look at job adverts for things that would appeal to me, that were probably beyond my abilities but I liked the idea of. I was reaching for things that I wasn't cut out for.
I soon realised that I was missing something. I had given up on the things that had been my interests when I was younger, such as nature and wildlife. Not only that, but also my music. I am a drummer and had stopped playing drums when I went to university.
I didn't have any real hobbies or interests, and found it difficult to talk to people generally not just the opposite sex. I was quite shy, and didn't have any girlfriends.
In fact I am still basically a shy person, but since my illness I have rebuilt my life around the fact that having things to do often leads to meeting new people. Its not just about 'keeping busy', because I know that when your struggling it can be the hardest thing just to get out of bed and face the day. Giving myself simple reminders and prompts to do something is helpful, I might not get round to it immediately but soon enough.
One piece of advise I would say is that, its easy to hang on to what we have out of fear of letting it go to start again if that thing isn't helping us. Its ok to stop, and have a think. is what I am doing helping at all or just causing me more frustration?. Seek advice and consider different options even if it sounds unusual or a bit weird.
Getting angry at yourself is not good, getting angry at others around you is possibly even worse if its unwarranted.
Go for a walk if possible, give yourself time to work through a problem. Things often take longer than expected to work out so try to be patient and take smaller steps, it sounds really obvious but its so true. Once one thing is overcome its easier next time round.
Don't be hard on yourself.
If any of this resonates with you, get in contact with Shine Coaching