Childhood Years Were Tough

My childhood years were tough as I saw a lot of anger from my father as he bought us up as a strict Muslim/Pakistani family. We were the 1st generation to be born in England so there was always a lot of conflict as even listening to English music or watching English videos on the TV (top of the pops) with which my father's anger used to bubble up to the surface and sometimes my mother bore the brunt of my father's anger.

I was the one who got in trouble a lot from a young age of 13 as I had a very short attention span and had trouble concentrating I also wasn't interested in school i was more interested in hanging around with older boys and drugs and violence were introduced at a young age so anger stemmed from a young age in me and being aggressive was normal for me.  As I got older a lot of the stuff I had been through in life had broke me I felt empty and had a lot of regret and guilt for things i had done wrong in life especially the drugs and what I had put my family through especially my lovely wife and parents who i love dearly and for years have taken for granted I just want to be a better human being who doesn't get angry and can let things go.

I am now 43 and I now suffer from anxiety/depression I have been like this now for a few years. I also have anger issues which stem back to my childhood. I have had it tough most of my life ie ( arranged marriage/emotional family blackmail/health issues. I fell down the stairs from the top in 2009 little did I know that would change my life for ever. I have had a total of 6 operations on both knees for ligaments but in one knee I have arthritis.  Over the last ten years I have spent a lot of time off work stuck at home and that has really played with my head as I did start work at the age of 17 and have worked all my life as this is how we were bought up work ethic from my father was drilled in at a young age so being stuck at home and not being able to provide has really messed with my head as I was bought up being told we are men and we never break. I have bottled a lot of stuff up inside though out my life and this not helped.

So before I got introduced to shine coaching my life was a mess and I was an emotional wreck. So with the help of medication and shine coaching I am on the road to making my self a better person a better husband, father son, brother. So with the help of my shine coach I am coming to terms with a lot of the issues I have in my life and learning to accept I have to talk about issues no matter how hard its is for me and remain calm because that way we can resolve issues. Anger and aggression never resolve anything I can't control everything but I can control how I deal with things so why should I let someone else's behaviour ruin my day and like the one and only legend 2pac said : keep your head up through every dark night there is a brighter day. So yes you have guessed I love 90s rap as music helps ease the pain.
when your happy u enjoy the music.

When your sad u understand the lyrics.

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